Weekday Wit

 

Mirror mirror

Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them finds a mirror. She picks it up, looks into it, and says, “WOW! I know this person. I’ve seen this person somewhere before…” The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, “Duh, of course you have. That’s me!”

 

Spelling problems
Ida Mae passed away so Bubba calls emergency services.
The operator tells Bubba that she will send someone out right away.
“Where do you live?” asks the operator.
Bubba replies, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”
After a long pause, Bubba says, “How ’bout I drive her to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

 

One up

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time.”

 

Lost in translation

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward is offered for his capture and an enterprising Texas ranger decides to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traces the bandit to his favourite cantina, sneaks up behind him, puts his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and says, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll shoot.”
But the bandit doesn’t speak English, and neither does the Ranger. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer is in the saloon and translates the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurts out, in Spanish, that the loot is buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
“What did he say?” asks the Ranger.

The lawyer answers, “He says ‘Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.'”

 

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