Surprise!
A woman buys a new phone and SIM card and wants to surprise her husband with it. She walks into the kitchen leaving her husband in the lounge and calls him. Wife:- hello honey… Husband: I’ll call you back later, my wife is in the kitchen…
Body of truth
A General goes out to find that none of his GIs are there. One finally runs up, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10km, and now I’m here.”
The General is very skeptical about this explanation but at least he is here so he lets the G. go. Moments later, eight more GIs come up to the general panting. He asks them why they are late.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10km, and now I’m here.”
The General eyes them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he lets them go too. A ninth GI jogs up to the General, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…”
“Let me guess,” the General interrupts, “It broke down.”
“No,” says the GI, “There were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”
No conscience
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer are waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
The doctor chimes in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”
The pastor says, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him. Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greenskeeper replies, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor says, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor says, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer says, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
50/50
A young man sees an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He notices that they order one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watches, the gentleman carefully divides the hamburger in half, counts out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each has half of them. Then he pours half of the soft drink into the extra cup and sets that in front of his wife. The old man then begins to eat, and his wife sits watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decides to ask if they will allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman says, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”
The young man then asks the wife if she is going to eat, and she replies, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”
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