Weekday Wit

 

A betting man

A woman came slaps her husband’s head while he is enjoying his morning coffee. “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Marylou’ written on it!!” she says, furiously.

“Calm down, honey,” he replies. “That was the name of the dog I bet on at the race track last week.”

The next morning, she smacks him again. “What was that for?” he complains.

“Your dog called last night.”

 

Passing the buck

A very attractive lady is sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While waiting for her date, she wanted to make sure everything is perfect. As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands “Stop that!”
The waiter looks at her dryly and says “Sure mam, which way was it headed?”

 

It wasn’t us

Two boys from a small town in Virginia are especially bad and are always in trouble. After the two are caught stealing one day, their mothers send them to talk to the town pastor. The pastor asks the youngest child to come in and talk to him. “Do you believe in God?”

The young boy answers shyly “Yes.”

The pastor says “Do you know where God is?”

The young boy has a puzzled look on his face and says “Nope.”

The pastor says again “Do you know where God is?”

The boy looks at him and says “I already told you, no.”

So, the pastor asks one last time “Do you know where God is?”
At that time the boy runs out the room and to his older brother. The older brother asked “What’s wrong?”

The young boy answers “We’re in big trouble now.”

“We’re always in trouble. What’s the big deal?”

The young boy answers, “Now God is missing and they think we’ve done it.”

 

Creating business

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.
“$150, Ma’am,” he answers.
“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she storms. “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to overcharge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being ripped off here?”
“Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”

 

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