Weekday Wit

 

Who is dumb?

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3am. The wife picks up the phone and after a few seconds replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200km inland! “and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?” “I don’t know, someone asking if the coast is clear.”

 

Three eulogies

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash and find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” asks St. Peter.
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say, “Look! He’s moving!”

 

Discount

Adam is walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asks him, “What is wrong with you?”
Adam says he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God says he is going to make Adam a companion and it will be a woman. He says, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, when you discover clothing, she’ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asks God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replies, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asks, “What can I get for a rib?”

 

driving meme 28 May

 

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