Weekday Wit


Scaring the daylights out of kids

After putting her kids to bed, a mother changes into old clothes and proceeds to wash her hair. As she hears them getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grows thin. She throws a towel around her head and storms into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she leaves, she hears her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was that?”


I was just…

Best excuses when you are caught falling asleep on your desk:

10. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
9. “This is just a 15-minute power-nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to.”
8. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the Tippex. You probably got here just in time!”
7. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”
6. “I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”
5. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?”
4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
3. “The coffee machine is broken…”
2. “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot…”

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk…
1. ” … in Jesus’ name. Amen.”


Good news and bad news

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat…
Him: “I’m sorry honey but I’m up to my neck in work today”
Her: “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you dear.”
Him: “OK darling, but since I’ve got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?”
Her: “Well, the air bag works…”




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