Weekday Wit

 

Living or dead

Patrick is looking for a management position and has a job interview with an executive for a position in his company.

The executive wants to learn something about Patrick’s personality, so he asks him, “If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”

Patrick thought for a minute, then responds, “The living one.”

 

Before it starts

A man walked into a bar and yelled out to the bartender, “Quick, give me a glass of beer, before it gets started!”

The bartender looked at him as if he was crazy, “What started?! What are you talking about?!”

“I don’t have time for questions, just give me the beer, faster!”

He drank the beer and yelled at the bartender again. “One more beer, come on, hurry up, before it gets started!”

“Before what gets started?” asked the bartender, puzzled.

“Never mind, just give me my beer!”

He drank the second glass and continued, “Third glass, faster, before it gets started! Just do it!”

Finally, the bartender asked the man, “Hey, are you going to pay for those beers or what?”

The man replied, “Damn, it started…”

 

Slow down or stop?

A lawyer is driving a car down the street and instead of stopping at the stop sign, the lawyer slows down. A policeman sees this and pulls the car over and asks the man why he didn’t stop at the stop sign.

“It’s the same thing,” the lawyer stated, “I don’t believe there is a difference between stop and slow down.”

“Allow me to prove it to you,” the policeman said. He asks the lawyer to step out of his car and suddenly starts hitting him with his baton.

After a lot of pain that the lawyer endured, the policeman asked him, “Now do you want me to stop, or slow down?”

 

 

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