Technique
A woman notices her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she says.
“Sure, it does,” he answers. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
Um, thank you?
Recently, Ellen was both insulted and complimented at the same time.
She arrived at work and was greeted by her co-worker, who said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognise you.”
Brutal honesty
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son are having a tough time choosing between the paintings of two artists.
They finally go with the artist that is currently at the gallery. “I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” he says.
“No,” says the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in our wall.”
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