A guy goes into a bar. He orders a beer and after a while he needs the toilet. Because he is afraid someone will drink his beer, he puts a note on it saying: “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”.
When he returns there is another note on the beer, saying “So did I!”
The origin of mankind
A little girl asks her mother, “How did the human race come about?”
The mother answers, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.”
A few days later, the little girl asks her father the same question. The father answers, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God, and Papa says we developed from monkeys?”
The mother answers, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.”
Almost everything is gold
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where have you been all night?” she demands.
“At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal’s gold!”
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the internet, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
“Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
“Yes, it is,” bartender answers.
“Do you have huge golden doors?”
“Do you have golden floors?”
“Most certainly do.”
“What about golden urinals?”
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy who peed in your saxophone last night!”
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