Nothing left
A teacher asks one of her little students what his father thinks of his report card.
“Should I leave out the cuss-words Mam?” he asks.
She replies, “Yes, of course.”
“Then, he didn’t say nothing.”
Building requirements
A blonde is filling out an application for college.
One question asks the applicant to state his or her church preference.
Her response: “Red brick.”
Lines from job evaluations
- This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
- A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
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