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John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No, thanks.”
“Well, what would you like for your anniversary?” John asks.
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” says John.
Bulk discount
A man with a split personality goes to a psychiatrist.
After the first session he asks if he is eligible for a group rate.
Following procedure
A man in North Carolina has a flat tire, pulls off to the side of the road. He proceeds to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he gets back in the car to wait. A passerby studies the scene as he drives by and was so curious he went back and asks the fellow what the problem is.
The man replies, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asks, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responds, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
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