Resolution inspiration
How do you know when it’s time to diet?
When you step on the scale and the message reads, ‘One at a time please.’
A foul joke
Julia gets a parrot for her birthday. It is fully grown, with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word was naughty. Julia tried very hard to change the bird’s manners. She would say polite words, play soft music, anything she could think of to try to set a good example, but nothing worked.
One day, Julia felt so desperate she put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments she heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming, and then suddenly everything was quiet. She was frightened she might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out on to her arm and said: “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to correct my behaviour.”
Julia was amazed at the great change in the bird and was about to ask what had caused it when the parrot continued: “May I ask what the turkey did?
Don’t blame me
A man is attempting to cross the street when a car came around the corner headed straight for him. The man tried to hurry, but the car changed lanes and was still coming towards him.
To avoid being hit he turns to go back to the sidewalk, but the car changes lanes again. Panicked, the man freezes in the middle of the street. As the car is about to hit him, it comes to a screeching halt.
The driver’s window goes down and a squirrel pokes his head out and says, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks!”
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