Impressively sneaky
A man goes to the police station to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” says the desk Sergeant. “No, no, no!” says the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
Three day pass
A soldier who just enlisted asks the Commanding Officer for a three-day pass. The CO says “Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”
So the soldier comes back a day later in an enemy tank!
The CO is so impressed, he asks “How did you do it?”
“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border. As I approached I saw an enemy tank. I put my white flag up, the other soldier in the tank put his white flag up and I said to him, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? And we exchanged tanks!”
The power of church
One Sunday morning, the priest sees little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hangs in the church’s foyer. The plaque is covered with names and small American flags are mounted on either side of it.
“Father Donovan,” the boy asks, “What is this?
“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service,” the priest explains. They stand together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.
Little Davey softly asks, “Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?”
A shocker
The local community charity realised it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer, so a volunteer is sent to solicit his donation. “Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community?”
The lawyer says, “First, are you aware that my mother is dying from a long, painful illness? And that she has medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?”
Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, “Uh, no.”
“Second, did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair, and unable to support his wife and six children?”
The stricken rep mumbls another, “Uh, no.”
“Third, do you realise that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful traffic accident leaving her penniless, with a huge mortgage and three young children?”
The rep is humiliated. “No, sir. I had no idea.”
The lawyer concludes, “Well, then, if I don’t give any money to them, why do you think I’d give any to you?!”
Click here to read more Weekday Wit
