Unfortunate mix-up
A woman ordered a fancy floral arrangement for the grand opening of her new business.
Unfortunately, there was a mix-up and she receives an arrangement that reads, “May you rest in peace.”
Although the woman is furious, she calms down when the florist reminds her that there is a funeral home with her arrangement bearing the words, “Good luck in your new location.”
Good and bad news
After submitting to x-rays, electrocardiograms and blood tests, an anxious patient waited for the doctor’s opinion.
“Howard,” the physician begins, “I have good news and bad news.”
“What’s the good news?”
“My son has been accepted to the Harvard School of Medicine.”
“And what’s the bad news?”
“You’re going to pay for it.”
Overly confident
A cowboy appears before the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asks him, “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?”
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offers, “On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn’t listen. So, I picked the biggest, ugliest, most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked over his bike and ripped out his nose ring. Then I told them all to back off or…!”
St. Peter was impressed and says, “When did this happen?”
The cowboy responds, “A couple of minutes ago.”
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