Sobriety test
A juggler is en-route to his next performance when he is stopped by a cop.
“What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” the officer asks.
“I juggle flaming torches,” the juggler replies.
“Oh yeah?” the cop says, “Let me see.”
The man steps out of the car and begins to juggle the blazing torches. A couple driving by slows down to watch.
“Wow,” the driver says to his wife. “I’m glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they’re doing now.”
Mind your Ps and Qs
At local taverns, pubs and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid’s job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming.
She had to pay close attention to who was drinking from ‘pints’ and who was drinking from ‘quarts.’ And that is the origin of the phrase, ‘Mind your Ps and Qs’.
Grammatical misunderstanding
The wife of a university theatre director is asked by one of her clients what her plans were for an upcoming weekend.
She says, “I think I’ll watch my husband’s play.”
“Oh really,” the client says. “How many do you have?”
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