Balanced diet
A parent questioning the mess-hall master sergeant at Parris Island about the food her boy is eating. The sergeant said, “Lady, there’s nothing to worry about. Here we serve perfectly balanced meals.”
“Oh,” the mother asked, “balanced between meat, vegetable and fruit?”
“No,” responded the sergeant, “everyone who eats here has a fifty-fifty chance of survival.”
Debt collectors nightmare
A loan company cannot get a fellow named Adams to pay off his car loan.
So they send him a letter,
“Dear Mr. Adams: What will your neighbours think if we come and repossess your car?”
A week later the company receives a letter back.
Scrawled across the bottom is a note that reads:
“Dear Sirs: I checked with my neighbours and they think it will be a lousy trick. Sincerely, Henry Adams.”
Face value
A man mails his photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club.
A few weeks later he receives a response, “We’re not that lonely.”
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