Accidents happen
A police officer asks an eight-year-old boy to explain why he broke his neighbour’s window.
The boy explains, “Well, you see sir, I was cleaning my slingshot, and it went off.”
Grandma knows too much
Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a prosecuting attorney calls his first witness, an elderly woman to the stand.
He approaches her and asks, ‘’Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’’
She responds, ‘’Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realise you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’’
The lawyer is stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he points across the room and asks, ‘’Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?’’
She again replies, ‘’Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire province. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’’
The defence attorney nearly dies.
The judge asks both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, says: “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’’
Position wanted
A blonde is filling out a job application.
When she comes to the question, “Position wanted,” she writes “Sitting.”
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