Mental assessment
A minister visits a mental institute asks how they assess when a patient is ready to be discharged.
The doctor responds, ‘’We do the water bath test, whereby we ask a patient how best to empty the bathtub after taking a bath. Is it best to use a cup or a spoon?’’
The minister responds, ‘’Oh I see, it is obviously best to use a cup.’’
The doctor responds,’’ Minister can I get you a bed close to the window and start your admission process?’’
Talking frog
An engineer is crossing the road one day, when a frog calls out to him and says, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.”
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.”
Again, the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
Lines from job evaluations
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
- He’s so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, she’d get a refund.
- If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
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