The funniest joke
Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the 120th floor of an apartment building. One day the elevators break down, so they have to take the stairs. To pass the time, they agree that Bob will tell happy stories for the first 40 floors, Rob will tell funny stories for the next 40, and Robert will tell sad stories for the last 40.
On the 81st floor, Robert clears his throat and says, “Here’s my sad story: I left our apartment keys in the car.”
The difference
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a traffic officer. Confident in his superior education, he decides to argue his way out of it.
The officer asks for his licence and registration.
“What for?” the lawyer asks.
“You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
“I slowed down and no one was coming,” the lawyer says. “If you can show me the legal difference between slowing down and stopping, I’ll hand over my licence. If not, you let me go.”
The officer thinks about it for a moment, then says, “Step out of the vehicle, please.”
The lawyer gets out. The officer picks up his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer methodically about the arms and legs.
“Now,” says the officer, “Do you want me to stop — or just slow down?”
The fly in the beer
A millionaire, a tradesman, and a drunk are sitting at a bar. When their beers arrive, each man finds a fly floating in his mug.
The millionaire politely calls the barman over, asks for a fresh glass, and sips it without further comment.
The tradesman tips out just enough beer to remove the fly, then drinks the rest without missing a beat.
The drunk peers into his mug, reaches in, pinches the fly between two fingers, holds it up in the air and shouts: “Spit it out! Spit it out!”
Read more Weekday Wit
