Good reason
At 7am, a lone wife hears a key in the front door. She wanders down, bleary eyed, to find her husband in the kitchen – drunk, with ruffled hair and lipstick on his collar.
“I assume,” she snarls, “There is a good reason you come waltzing in here at 7am?”
“There is,” he replies, “Breakfast.”
A long story
One day a Pirate and a bartender are talking to each other in a bar. The bartender asks the pirate “Where did ya get that peg leg from?”
The Pirate responds, “We were sailing the seas when a big ol’ shark came up to me while I was swimmin’ and bit off me leg.”
Later the Bartender asks, “Where did you get that hook then?”
The pirate responds, “Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone.”
The bartender then asks, “Then where did ya get the eye patch from?”
The pirate said “In a harbour I looked at a gull flying overhead and let loose right in me eye.”
The bartender is puzzled and asks the pirate, “How would that make you get an eye patch?”
The pirate responds, “First day with the hook.”
Tricked
It was many years later since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered the butcher’s shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrives home he tells his mother.
The woman nods and says, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”
Not what I was expecting
A woman’s husband slips in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stays by his bedside every single day. When he comes to, he motions for her to come nearer.
As she sits by him, he says, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I was shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asks gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
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