“Mr. Johns, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” The divorce court judge says, “And I’ve decided to give your wife R2750 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honour,” The husband says. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
There is an Englishman, Scottsman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they are captured by pirates.
The captain says to them, “You’re getting locked up in the dungeons for 50 years but I’ll give you something to go in with. So, the Englishman says he wants to go in with booze. The Scotsman says he wants his lady. Finally, the Irishman wants to go in with cigarettes so he goes in with his cigarettes.
Then 50 years later the Englishman comes out of his dungeon a drunk, the Scotsman comes out with his lady and children and the Irishman comes out and says “Got a light?!?!!”
John is sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know this, Sister?”
“My Mother Superior told me so.”
“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”
“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”
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