Weekday Wit



First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Why ever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”


Have you?

A¬†policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”


The top things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
16. Sorry officer, I didn’t realise my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
15. Aren’t you the guy from the village people?
14. Hey, you must have been doing 160 to keep up with me, good job.
13. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
12. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
11. Bad cop. No donut.
10. You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.
8. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
7. I pay your salary
6. Gee officer, that’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, at least one of us does.
4. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.
3. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
2. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
1. Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum.


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