Weekday Wit

 

Paying debts

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While some take money from tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, against a wall, and steal their possessions. Lawyer one jams something in lawyer two’s hand. Without looking, lawyer two whispers, “What is this?” to which lawyer one replies, “It’s that R200 I owe you.”

 

Gambling man

A man spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas casinos, and he won $100,000. He didn’t want anyone to know about it, so when he came back home, he immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.
The next morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a hearing-impaired man. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of this man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to his neighbour. He screamed at the professor:
“You tell this guy that if he doesn’t give me my money back I’ll kill him!”

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language: “I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree.”
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said: “He’s not going to tell you. He said he’d rather die first.

 

What’s the difference?

Once George Bush Jr. visited an elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, “Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident”.
Then he said, “Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?”
A little boy raises his hand and says, “If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car.”
Bush says, “No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?”
A little girl raises her hand and says, “If a busload of kids drove off a cliff.”
Bush says, “No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?”
A boy raises his hand and says and says, “If you and Mrs. Bush were on a plane and it blew up.”
Then Bush says, “Well, yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?”
And the little boy says, “Well, it wouldn’t have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn’t have been a great loss.”

 

No benefit of a doubt

A busload of politicians are driving down a country road when the bus suddenly runs off the road and crasheds into an old farmer’s field.
The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.
A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer’s field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he’d gone ahead and buried all of them. “Were they ALL dead?” asked the puzzled sheriff. “Well, some of them said they weren’t,” said the old farmer, “But you know how them politicians lie.”

 

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