Weekday Wit


Three rings

After you get married you get three rings. The first one is the engagement ring. The second is the marriage ring. The third one is …(suffer)ring!


Of course

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they are free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. “Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answers, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”


Executive decisions

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decide to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they are as ready as they can be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team becomes discouraged by the loss and their morale sags. Corporate management decides the reason for the crushing defeat must be found. A ‘Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of Executives’ investigates the problem and recommends appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem is the Japanese team has 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the Americans have 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hires a consulting firm to study the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concludes “too many people are steering and not enough rowing.” To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure changes to “4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager” and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder. “We must empower and enrich him.” That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team wins by two miles.
The American Corporation lays off the rower for poor performance, sells all of the paddles, cancels all capital investments for new equipment, halts development of a new canoe, awards high performance awards to the consulting firm and distributes the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.


Driving meme 11 June

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