Bell ringing
A church needs to find a new bell-ringer. A guy with no arms says he can do it. “But you’ve got no arms!” everyone exclaims. He says “I’ll use my mouth.” So he uses his mouth to ring the bell and goes flying out of the window because the bell is so heavy. As he lies on the ground and a crowd gathers, asking “Who’s that guy?” “I dunno, but his face rings a bell!!”
Are you having a bad day?
- The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.
- In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.
- A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
- Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.And finally…
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now! Your day’s not so bad, is it?
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