Weekday Wit

 

The rescue

Driving through the university, a professor sees a student running fast. Snarling at his heels are 3 huge dogs. Intent on rescue, the professor comes to a halt and threw open the door. “Hurry, get in!” He shouts. “You are the greatest,” the youth gasps. “Most people won’t offer me a lift when they see I have three dogs.”

 

Definition

A panda bear walks into a bar and asks for a menu. The bartender gives him one and he orders. The panda eats his lunch and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.
The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you’re just going to leave?”
The panda answers calmly, “I’m a panda bear.”

The bartender says, “Yeah, so?”

The panda bear replies, “Look it up,” and walks out the door.
The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and Googles ‘panda bear.’
He reads the caption, which says, “Panda Bear–a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.”

 

No drunks allowed

A drunk walk into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.
“Get out,” says the bartender. “I don’t serve drunks here”.
The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.
“I just told you to get out, didn’t I? Now LEAVE!”
The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.
The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells “I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!”
The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs, “How many bars do you work at, anyway?”

 

10 Sept 2019

 

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