Weekday Wit

 

You win!

The father of five children wins a toy at a raffle. He calls his kids together to ask which one should get it. “Who is the most obedient?” he asks.

“Who never talks back to mom? Who does everything she says?”

Five small voices answer in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

 

Reverse [language] psychology

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colourful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe
A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay and if they are enjoying the holiday.
The Jewish men are dumbfounded. Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish? They both think. After they pay the bill they ask the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The manager looks around and leans in so no one else will hear and says, “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

 

Sticks (and stones)

A musical director is having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talks and talks and talks with the drummer but his performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he says, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper is heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”

 

 

Driving meme 6 Aug 19

 

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