The suit
A little girl is watching her parents dress for a party. When she sees her father putting on his tuxedo, she says, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” He asks, “Why not?”
“Because it always gives you a headache the next morning.”
Unrealistic expectations
For thirty years, Johnson arrived at work at 9AM on the dot. He never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day, 9 AM passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, comes out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson shows up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limps painfully to the time clock, punches in, and says, aware that all eyes are upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”
And the boss says, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”
Oops…
A young executive is leaving the office late one evening when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” says the CEO, “This is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” says the young executive. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” says the CEO as his paper disappears inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Monastery of complaints
Brother John enters the “Monastery of Silence” and the Abbott says, “Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
Brother John lives in the monastery for five years before the Abbott says to him, “Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words.”
Brother John says, “Hard bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot says. “We will get you a better bed.”
After another five years, Brother John is called by the Abbott. “You may say another two words, Brother John.”
“Cold food,” says Brother John and the Abbott assures him that the food will be better in the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again calls Brother John into his office. “Two words you may say today.”
“I quit,” says Brother John.
“It is probably best; you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
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