Honesty
“How many people work in your office?” the boss asked the department head.
“Oh, about half of them, sir!”
I’ll see you and raise you
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approaches the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you R500 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed the minister R500 and walks away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulps and looks around, and says in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hisses: “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor puts the R500 into the groom’s hand and whispers: “She made me a better offer.”
Not quite the idea
A young man calls his mother and announces excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother has an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?”
He thinks this is a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things went.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.
“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook …”
Kids will be kids
A teacher of chemistry wants to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produces an experiment involving a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Now, class, closely observe the worms,” says the teacher while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhes about, happy as a worm in water can be. He then puts the second worm into the whiskey. It curls up and writhes about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. “Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?” the teacher asks.
Johnny, sits in back, raises his hand and wisely, responds confidently, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
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